How to have children and a career.

In today’s career landscape more people than ever are juggling parenting with their careers. I thought for today’s short blog it might be useful to share some tips ( for current and future ) working parents.

This post was inspired by conversations I have had with clients and friends who are working parents and are managing a career alongside having a family. To be honest they are women and I haven’t got a male perspective on this other than the info I’ve found on the good old internet.

Work-life balance can be described as the balance between an individual’s personal life and professional life. “A healthy work-life balance assumes great significance for working women particularly in the current context in which both, the family and the workplace have posed several challenges and problems for women. The dynamics of the work environment have exerted enormous pressure on working women as they need to cope with virtually two full-time jobs – one at the office and the other at home”( Sundaresan, S (2014).

Work-life balance has been sold to women as a way to happiness. The term suggests all we need to do is find a way to simplify our roles without going mad. This message, that is being (unfairly) sold to women, is that if we can prioritise our work lives better we would have more time to spend with friends, family, and on ourselves. The problem is, accomplishing more personal time requires a significant amount of work and the term ‘balance’.

Very few people can afford or would want to spend half their time working and half their time not working. There are many women who do not have a paid job ( I say this as parenting is the hardest job I’ve ever had and still have even though they are all in their 20’s now) outside of the home that need more balance in their lives and those who have careers who would hate to baking more cakes.

The very use of the term “work-life balance” would suggest there is something wrong with us if we do not have this in place. There is nothing wrong – it’s just something else to add to the long list of things that make us feel inadequate as mums.

Tips received… in no particular order

1. Don’t apologise – this can take time to learn. “I used to keep quiet that I didn’t work Fridays for fear of judgement and sneak away quietly for school/nursery pickups. This made me really anxious, so being open and honest was much better.”
2. Set Boundaries – “when I first became a working parent, I let these be pushed not recognising when I was giving too much away”.
3. Seek out others in your organisation or just connect with others if you are a lone worker – “you need support from others. Have weekly meetups over coffee where you can just offload, share.”
4. Share the stuff at home – “If you have a husband, partner get into good habits early on and break from traditional roles. Share the stuff at home , get good childcare in place. Try to still attend networking events, things that will help you develop.
5. Never enough time – “there is never enough time, you do have mum guilt. But you can become a role model for your own kids. It sets a good example and may inspire them to achieve.”
6. Get good childcare in place – ” This is essential and especially when they get to school age. Have a holiday planner so you know who is childminding when and where. This has been invaluable to me.” (Thank you to my working friends that contributed).

Finally

We can only be the best we can be at any given time with the resources we have. There is definitely no getting over the guilt we feel as working mums. But having this mantra has helped me and now I’ve “abandoned them” ( their words) to have an adventure here in Valencia. Funnily enough, the guilt has gone.

Karen is an English Speaking Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and Mindfulness teacher living in Valencia.

Reference: Sundaresan, S (2014). WORK-LIFE BALANCE – IMPLICATIONS FOR WORKING WOMEN.