Why we all need friends…..

The Science behind friendships.

Friendship and friends are vitally important and researchers have found they can be so important in helping to prevent or lower heart disease, increase life expectancy and help beat cancer. One study found that loneliness can have a massive impact on survival from cancer (McClintock et al 2005). This research suggested that people who experience high degrees of loneliness may also be prone to developing breast cancer as well. Friendship, in essence, helps us survive.

Having friends sets off a chemical reaction in the brain – it ignites the part of the brain that makes us feel good. A chemical called oxytocin is released during social interactions and this then floods this area of the brain.

Friend.. ” a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations” (English Dictionary)

We all need special people in our lives to have coffee with , share laughs, share secrets and generally enjoy life with. But friendship isn’t all about the good times, it’s about the “thick and thin”. It’s about having someone there for you when times are tough, but also you being there for the other person.

A True Friend……

My idea of a true friend is someone who stands up for you and protects you when another person is trying to hurt you.

Good friends are an important connection for good mental health and can have an impact on your quality of life.

There are however practicalities involved in having a truly meaningful friendship with someone.

1. Friends take time – it may take you a while to get to know them. They require a little work – you might have to call them and you’ll certainly have to make an effort with them. A friend has to be important enough for you to make a significant space for them in your life and in your heart and vice versa.
2. A true friend should have your back – if someone is bad mouthing you, they are there to defend you, not get involved in the backbiting.
3. Flexibility – friendships can and do change. You have to accept that sometimes friends will fall by the wayside – relationships, marriage, careers, children, moving away all have an impact, but you can find ways to keep the relationship alive and strong if you are willing to be creative.
4. Accept you for who you are – real friends accept you for being you. They don’t try to change, they celebrate and encourage you. When they offer advice it’s in a thoughtful non-aggressive way.
5. They want what’s best for you – A true friend will steer you in the right direction, will support your decisions and be there for you.
6. They are your biggest cheerleader.

Build your friendships slowly and have more than one friend. One person cannot and should not be giving you everything you need. True friendships develop over time through shared experiences with a range of different friends. They help you develop skills and attributes that help strengthen your resilience in the world.

Giving and receiving.

You may be one of those people who is good at giving to others but are not great at accepting things from others. There may be many reasons, such as being afraid of showing weakness, feeling vulnerable, or dependent.

I ask you this question: If you don’t let your friends give to you, then it’s a one-way relationship and you are not really committed to it. I have learned that true friendship requires both giving and receiving. Give as much as you can and try to accept what they’re giving to you. What can you learn from the other person?

Finally

If someone puts you down all the time, belittles you or just isn’t around when you need them most, then they aren’t your friend. As hard as it may be, its time to move on and find someone who will love, support and protect you.

Outofsyntherapy are English speaking therapists in Valencia. We work with a range of mental health issues and addictions. If you can relate to any of the above please give us a call, however, we are not a crisis service and if you are in crisis you need to call – Spain  1-888-628-9454 UK – Samaritans 116-123.

Contact – www.outofsynctherapy.com