What are you first thoughts when your friend cancels yet another meet up?
Do you know that 1:4 people in the UK suffer from common mental health problems? We all have people in our lives that we know, who often plan things then cancel at the last moment or have constant excuses ” Im just not feeling up to it today…” or ring and cancel at the very last moment, don’t answer their phone or reply to your texts.
How does it make you feel?
You might take it personally, “why does she/he always cancel on me? What have I done wrong, is there something wrong with me?” You might just be a little fed up that you set aside a certain day and time, and they’ve cancelled again. This may lead you to stop getting in touch and letting go of that friendship.
You may not even know……….
But the problem is that your friend could be struggling with low mood, feeling really afraid, really worried, and have low self esteem which can be signs of anxiety and depression.
That friend may look perfectly fine on the outside – mental illness isn’t like a physical illness, there aren’t the obvious signs. Your friend may still be going to work, uni, college and wearing his/her normal everyday face for the world to see. They may not have told anyone about their daily struggles, fearing that they will be judged or stigmatised by having mental health issues.
How does society impact?
Has society moved forward – yes , but it still has a long way to go. We still hear words like ” she’s a nutter , he’s crazy , what a psycho , weirdo ” all too often. So its no wonder people feel afraid and ashamed to speak out. Seeking help can be difficult and taking medication can be seen as a failure.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is what we feel when we are worried, tense or afraid – particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future. Anxiety is a natural human response when we perceive that we are under threat. It can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.
So Anxiety itself is a perfectly normal feeling, except when it begins to overtake our thoughts and feelings excessively, resulting in over worrying or ruminating about situations that may not be as bad as anticipated or feared. Excessive worry can lead to increased anxiety, which can begin to impact on mental and physical health.
What is Depression?
Depression is a low mood that persists for a long time, and affects your everyday life.
In its mildest form, depression can just be experienced as low spirits. It doesn’t stop you leading your normal life but makes everything harder to do and seem less worthwhile. At its most severe, depression can be life-threatening because it can make you feel suicidal or simply give up the will to live.
Generally there are three diagnosed categories of depression, mild, moderate and severe, but in reality depression can be experienced on a sliding scale from low to high, depending on what is impacting on your mood at any given time.
How can you help your friends with feelings of low mood, who are worried, tense and afraid?
If you haven’t seen your friend for a while, get in contact with them, and ask if they want to meet up, so encourage them to meet with you, or offer to visit them at home.
Your friend needs you. Be a good listener.
Try to be non judgemental.
Offer your support – but make sure you prove it with actions. If you say they can have your support show them. Check in on them even if you get little back. Its very difficult for someone feeling in a dark place to reach out.
Show empathy – see short vide below. Don’t try to make it better.
Try not to give advice – depressed people really do want to feel better, but most times your advice feels overwhelming from a practical perspective. If they are struggling to make contact with you and even small tasks are difficult, how can they possibly go to the gym?
Encourage them to get the professional help they need – first stop should be a visit to the GP, then they may be referred for therapy (depending on where you live) or they can self refer.
If you are suffering from any of the issues in the blog or know of someone who is, then reach out to us here at Out of Sync Therapy, we are here to help.
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