Change is never easy
Do you find yourself always taking the same path and direction, whether it be personally in relationships or work. What happens when you decide to take a different path?
Change is never easy whether its a planned change , a career change, a move , a divorce or the loss of your role. It can hit you over the head or it can just hide around the corner and jump out when we least expect it.
The one constant in our lives is change. How well you deal with that change has a direct impact on our well-being, purpose, and satisfaction that we experience on a daily basis. If you are considering a big change, or are in one now, or are still feeling the effects of a past change then read this blog.
“Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.” ~Celestine Chua
The secret of change is to focus all your energy NOT on wanting things to be the same as before, but on building the new.
My life has certainly been full of changes some planned and some happening without really realising it. The biggest change over the past 2 1/2 years was a move from UK to Ibiza in Spain and then in the last 4 weeks a move to Valencia. WOW for someone who has sometimes backed away from change this has been huge. The hardest part for me was giving up a job I loved as a therapist in the NHS and taking that leap that we are doing the right thing and living our lives to the full.Our children ( age ranges 26,24,24, 23 & 21) are capable of looking after themselves and living their own lives, but still I miss them and have pangs of guilt about not being there. I found the transition from working and having a purpose, to getting up with no plan and no meaningful occupation a struggle. I needed time to settle into a new way of life, a much different culture ( yes we have siestas everyday, a MUST in the hot summer),a new language and paying the bills. The honeymoon period ends like everything else and just because you live in another country – that may or may not look like paradise – doesn’t mean you don”t have the same issues. The grass isn’t always greener in paradise!
1. Be open to the change – there is no quick fix. ENJOY the journey.
As humans we can be constantly looking for certainty when we feel that everything around us is in flux. Everything keeps changing whether we like it or not. While you are trying to find the next new experience and work out what you want – DONT RUSH into things. The right thing TAKES TIME to find. The right thing or people are worth waiting for and the right thing will come along. Ask yourself the question “Why did I leave what wasn’t right in the first place?”
2. Do things that make you feel good – “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
For years I found myself reacting in the same way to change. I would get really stressed and anxious about the change, become avoidant and stop doing the things that made me feel good. I would overthink the situation and many times this led to tearful moments and wanting things to stay the same. For me the things that help are :
Doing exercise
Going to the beach
Practicing MINDFULNESS – by practicing mindfulness you can learn to pay attention to the repetitive patterns you get caught up in. Noticing these patterns you can begin to change the way you deal with situations – so responding rather than reacting. Becoming more compassionate to yourself and saying “its ok to feel like this”
Walking in nature
Just having a shower, putting my lipstick on and making an effort.
3. Seek support
Connecting with people, whether they are friends, family or colleagues.
4. Healthy Eating
Try to eat as healthy as possible – good gut health has an impact on brain functioning and mental health. When we are stressed we are prone to both undereating and overeating as a way of comforting ourselves.When we go through a big change, we can go in search of carbs—bread, muffins, cake, pasta etc. This is thought to be because eating carbs boosts serotonin—a brain chemical that may be quite depleted when we are undergoing change (stress). It’s okay to eat the odd carb laden meal but in moderation. In times like this I find it useful to jot down what Im eating – you can use a notebook or get apps to help you.
5. Write down the positives that have come from the change
Writing down what you have learned from the change enables you to see how far you have come.Change presents us with the opportunity to grow—and it’s important to acknowledge how things have become better as a result.
6. Set yourself realistic goals
Don’t have expectations about how things SHOULD be. Go with the flow in terms of meeting people, forging friendships and settling in. BUT setting short term goals can be useful. They can help you become more focused and less anxious. Goals can help you see your successes.
